Withered vines cling to ancient trees, dusk crows cry,
A little bridge, a stream, cottages nearby.
An old road, the west wind, a gaunt horse sighs.
The setting sun sinks from the sky,
A forlorn soul roams where the horizon lies.
I’d say the suggestion to translate “古道西风瘦马” more literally as “Ancient road, west wind, thin horse” is worth considering.
Here’s a breakdown of why both the provided translation and a more literal one have merit:
Provided Translation:
Strengths: It captures the overall melancholic and desolate atmosphere of the original line. Words like “gaunt” and “sighs” evoke a sense of weariness and loneliness.
Weaknesses: It loses some of the stark imagery and simplicity of the original Chinese. The word “sighs” adds an emotional layer that might not be explicitly present in the original.
Literal Translation (“Ancient road, west wind, thin horse”):
Strengths: It preserves the directness and visual impact of the original. It allows the reader to directly experience the imagery without any added interpretation.
Weaknesses: It might lack the emotional depth conveyed by the provided translation. “Thin horse” might not fully capture the sense of weariness and hardship implied by “瘦马”.
Ultimately, the best translation depends on the desired effect. If the goal is to prioritize the emotional impact, the provided translation might be preferable. If the goal is to prioritize the stark imagery and simplicity of the original, a more literal translation might be better.
Here’s a possible compromise that combines the strengths of both:
“Ancient road, west wind, a bony horse.”
This version retains the directness of the literal translation while using “bony” to suggest both thinness and weariness.
It’s important to remember that translation is an art, not a science. Different translators will make different choices based on their understanding of the source text and their desired effect on the target audience.